My grandmother's close friend Daff called my home one night recently while we were away. She thought she was phoning my grandmother and left the dearest message (intended for her) on our answering machine. Daff said, "Chris (short for Christine), this is Daff. Just checking on you, sweetheart, to see how you are doing. I don't know where you are, but I'll call you back later. I love you...."
Daff and my grandmother met when they began the fourth grade at Helena School in Helena, NC. They were the best of friends all through their years of schooling, but sort of lost touch with one another as they were both raising their children. My grandmother shared that she thinks that happens to alot of female friendships during that stage of life because there is so much for a mom to do when her children are at home. I met Daff at a Christmas luncheon my grandmother hosted about 7 years ago and so enjoyed hearing the stories that Grandma and the couple of her classmates who were there shared. They laughed heartily many times until my Grandma's eyes teared. Just recently my 89-year old Grandma attended her school friend Daff's 90th birthday party, enjoying herself immensely.
In a day and age when neighbors ,cars, and houses change yearly sometimes, and even marriages don't often last, my grandmother's stick-to-it-ness when it comes to love is refreshing. It applies to many relationships in her life. Since her husband died quickly and unexpectedly of a heart attack when my grandma was only 48 years old, she has been faithfully caring for her mentally handicapped daughter, who is totally dependent on her for everything. Even when her daughter's behaviors towards her are unkind and selfish, grandma continues to patiently persevere and show her daughter unselfish love and concern. Grandma understands that love isn't a rush of butterflies in the stomach...instead it's caring for others when they don't deserve it, in spite of who they are, being quick to forgive and move on.....love that doesn't depend on the endearing characteristics or accolades of the recipient or even on being loved in return.
I am the beneficiary of my grandma's stick-to-it-ness with love in a direct way, but even more so indirectly. Because my mother was blessed with her own mother's unconditional love and care, she parented well. My grandmother's legacy of loving long and hard impacts the way I love my own children. As corny as many find many country music lyrics, I can't help but think of the chorus from one of my favorite old country songs:
"You see, I come from a long line of love.
When times get hard....we don't give up.
Forever's in our heart and in our blood.
You see, I come from a long line of love."
Us moms have to remember that when we care well for our own children , we are ultimately loving our great,great grandchildren. Yes, our mothering is just that important. Our children need to know that they are a priority in our lives, and that nothing they do can ever make us stop loving them. Children spell "love"
T-I-M-E whether us busy parents like it or not. No matter what you give lip service to, your children will decide how much you value them in accordance with how you spend your time. Ultimately, our children would rather have" face time" with us than the toys or sports camps or dance lessons our paychecks afford them. Our children need less "car time" as we hurriedly rush them from activity to activity and more " face time".....not with their peers at after-school , but with us. The parenting phase of life is brief, and we won't get a shot at a re-do , no matter how badly we might want it. Make sure your kids know that being at home with them is your favorite place to be! Your great, great grandchildren will thank you one day!
Thank you, Grandma!
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